Arrested
in Mexico!!!
Embassey and consulate Help
Don Adams April 2005
Mexico is the number one foreign retirement destination, as well as the nearest foreign vacation travel spot for many other North Americans. Between 15 and 16 million U.S. citizens visit the country every year. Depending upon which source you believe, anywhere from 650,000 to 800,000 live here year round.
Permanent resident figures are not available for Canadian citizens but over 900,000 visit Mexico each year, and a good number of those are either full-time residents or live here for six months of the year.
The vast majority of these folks come down and behave themselves but a few others come down specifically to raise hell. In some cases the hell raisers are connected to or dependent upon the kindness and support of those who behave themselves. This is a primer for the sane group. The crazies don't read about how to deal with the disastrous situations they get into.
If you're a U.S. citizen, regardless of how unlucky or how reckless you are, the feds are willing to help out if you find yourself on a tortilla and tap water diet in a dirt-floored crossbar hotel where you and your hosts and fellow guests can't converse because of language differences.
The gummit folks may not be able to get you out but they can provide information and assistance to the responsible adults who are trying to extricate your ass from your latest foray into foolishness. At http://ciudadjuarez.usconsulate.gov/wwwhacar.html you can get acquainted with one group of folks who might be able to help you. If you've ever spent a bit of time along the border you might appreciate the irony of the location of the consulate posting this information. Based upon, I'm sure, years of experience in dealing with these subjects, they've put up several pages of advice. Here they are. The one at this address is titled "What Can the Consulate Do If You're Arrested In Mexico?"
The answer is - not a hell of a lot.
However, at http://ciudadjuarez.usconsulate.gov/wwwhaca1.html they do give you a "Summary of Mexican Law and Individual Rights in Mexico" so you can't say they didn't try to warn your dumb ass about how to avoid getting arrested.
Then at http://ciudadjuarez.usconsulate.gov/wwwhaca2.html they tell you all about "Selecting a Lawyer." I'll take a pass on writing all the good jokes I know just in case I take a misstep SoB and have to employ one of them.
If the lawyer you select turns out to be less persuasive than you had hoped, the consulate crew offers "Suggestions for Well-Being While Incarcerated." One they overlooked is that if you're in a facility equipped with one, don't bend over in the shower to retrieve your soap if it gets away from you. Their ideas for a happy vacation are at http://ciudadjuarez.usconsulate.gov/wwwhaca3.html.
And this one, at http://ciudadjuarez.usconsulate.gov/wwwhaca4.html is the key to popularity in the pokey. "After Receiving Mail and Money While Imprisoned" you'll be well on the way to Queen of the Prom honors. Or horrors.
All of my Canadian friends can benefit from this information also.
The U.S. State Department Travel website is at http://www.travel.state.gov. This website is easy to use to learn about what is required to travel to a foreign destination; even if it does turn out to be a concrete hell within spittin' distance of the border.
Things might go smoother if you disappear after acting like a fool and folks have to hunt for you if you register your travel plans online at one of these sites.
The folks looking for you and wondering how to call numbers in Mexico need to use this form:
Here are the numbers, and a couple of addresses.
Here are some numbers of folks who might be able to provide local aid and comfort if you've made it farther than the border before screwing up.
Canadians who need assistance can contact the nearest of these agents. The e-mail addresses are (name of city)@canada.org.mx except for vallarta@ and loscabos@. Website updates and names and FAX numbers are available at www.canada.org.mx.
That's about it folks. But even if you do get in trouble down here at least you won't be in the jail of one of the most famous modern U.S. lawmen.
Sheriff Joe Arpaio of Maricopa County, Arizona has a program that might make a Mexican jail look good in comparison. Unless you're a dog.
Check out http://www.mcso.org. Read "Press Releases" and "Mash."