Hitchhiking through Hell, according to some folks, is only slightly less traumatic than driving across the border between the U.S. of America and the E.U. de Mexico and then on to somewhere in the interior of the country. Others, seemingly shocked at the lurid details offered by their fellow travelers, report no problems or inconvenience at all, aside from an occasional extended waiting period at Aduana or Migración. Here comes a twofer folks; advice that will simplify the crossing for both groups.

A few years back Tony Sanchez, a prominent Laredo banker who recently ran an uninspired and unsuccessful campaign to become the first Mexican-American Governor of the Republic of Texas, brilliantly led a fight against the local C of C and its massed army of commerce to effect his vision for the construction of a road and bridge system to divert heavy truck traffic and hazardous cargo carriers around the city and more quickly and safely across the border. Here's how to utilize the fruits of Mr. Sanchez's wisdom and foresight to ease your personal border crossing problems and concerns.

But first, if you haven't already done so you need to look at February's Mexconnect article by Amy Gray Kirkcaldy titled "Learning to Live in Mexico" or "Just another day in Monterrey" to get a first-hand personal description of crossing both ways across the border in locations other than at the Colombia Friendship Bridge. You'll appreciate Mr. Sanchez even more after jumping through the same hoops as Amy and Carlos.

The Colombia crossing is different from many others. It's very small and extremely well organized. And the Mexican government wants you to take advantage of this little known and little used crossing point. They publish a very nice brochure that lays out instructions on how to do so. And then they make it very convenient for you to use that crossing. And I believe they have hand-picked the cream of the crop of the various branches of Aduana and Migración to staff the location.

So where is it and what are the details? Read on McDuff!

As you're rolling south on Interstate Highway 35, about 25 miles or so from Laredo you'll see a short series of road signs alerting you that you'll soon need to turn right to reach the Colombia Solidarity International Bridge. The turn-off you'll take is at Exit 24 that the sign identifies as the exit to the Camino Colombia Toll Road. Just veer off the highway onto the access road, cruise to the top of the hill where you'll find a four-way stop, re-set your odometer to zero, and turn right onto the toll road. At this point, you're about 22.7 miles from the bridge and you're also out in the country. There are no gas stations or convenience stores along this corridor.

At mile 4.3 there's a minor Y in the road. You don't have a choice so you'll just hang to the right. The same situation comes up again at mile 14.1. At mile 17.3 you'll see a sign reading "Toll Plaza 3/4 Mile". The toll there is US $3.00. At mile 21.5 you might need to stop at the traffic signal light at the big intersection with FM (Farm to Market road) 1472. As you continue straight across you'll find that you're on FM 255, until now identified as the Camino Colombia Toll Road. At mile 22.6 you'll be expected to stop and pay US $2.00 at the last tollbooth before you cross the Rio Grande (halfway across it becomes Mexican territory under their name, Rio Bravo) at mile 22.7.

You're now in Mexico! Immediately ahead is the Migración and Aduana facility which will provide a stress-free official entry into the country. If you need to get your papers your first act will be to turn right into the small well-marked parking lot beside the building. If you have your FM-3, your automobile permit, and no items on which you might need to pay duty you'll simply drive straight on through in one of the "Nothing to Declare" lanes and head on south. If you have none of the afore mentioned items, you're in the right place to get the permits which will allow you to cross.

Regardless of your permit status you'll note the low auto count in the area. Miz T and I have both crossed here at various times, both individually and together, and the greatest number of tourist vehicles, Mexican, Canadian, or U.S. either of us has seen at any one time is five. The low volume, teamed with the friendliness and high level of proficiency of those you deal with here make this a fast and easy crossing.

All you need to do now is decide which side of the building to head for. To your right, or the back of the building, you'll see a sign advising hunters to check in there. If you're not carrying weapons into the country just head for the front entrance which will be to your left. There you'll take the few steps beneath the Banjercito sign up to the wide front porch of the Migración building.

Here's a quick note about moving guns and/or ammunition into Mexico. Unless you have already received permission from Mexican Consular authorities in the U.S. or Canada prior to your arrival at the border, don't even think about it. In case any misguided soul out there thinks I'm just passing gas here, look at http://travel.state.gov/redirectpage.html to read an interesting U.S. State Department press release titled "Firearms Arrests in Mexico". If you need more convincing you're more than likely too hard-headed to be let loose down here anyway but what the hell, I'll try to save you from yourself. At the same website you can find an article that reads in part:

"The Department of State warns U.S. citizens against taking any type of firearm or ammunition into Mexico without prior written authorization. Entering Mexico with a firearm or a single round of ammunition carries a penalty of up to five years in jail, even if the firearm or ammunition is taken into Mexico unintentionally."

My Canadian friends should heed this advice too. If you need to know what you can bring into the country on an FM-T look at http://www.sre.gob.mx/seattle/ing_ser_llevar.htm. There's tons of other good info there also.

But back to the porch. At the first set of glass doors, enter the building. You'll find yourself in a small lobby with a couple of offices to the right. You'll want the second one. Walk over and ask for a Forma Migratoria Para Tourista or a Tarjeta de Tourista and the nice gentleman will give you the paperwork to fill out. Move back out into the very small lobby and take four or five steps to the counter on the opposite wall and fill out the form. It's printed in both Spanish and English (Sorry Quebecers, not many French form writers down here but I have heard rumors of certain kissers) and you'll need to fill out only the first 10 lines. Here are a few tips to help you avoid looking like Fulano's idiot cousin. On line 3 in box #4, they ask for your date of birth. They tell you that the order of information should read day/month/year, unlike the way we usually write it out in the U.S. as month/day/year. Day and month will each require 2 digits; e.g. 15/09 (a reminder for those who failed to send me a gift last year) while the year will be written out using all four digits, 19XX. And on line 10 in box #13 that reads "Transportation" just write in the type of vehicle you're driving - in my case, the one I picked up at one of O.J.'s legal defense fundraising yard sales. Bentley, 1994.

Once you've filled out the form return it to the Migración official. He'll write in the number of days he wants to allow you to stay in the country. In my pre-FM-3 days, it was always the max of 180 because I'm such a splendid fellow. He'll also write in the amount you need to pay for the privilege of entering his beautiful country (at present 205 pesos) and then he'll flip the form over and indicate the box he expects you to write your signature. It says "Foreigner Signature". In this case you're the foreigner. Get used to it.

Take whatever he hands you, and get out of the guy's office because he's done all that's required at that particular station. Say gracias and adios. There's a door by the end of the counter you used earlier. Walk through it and do a right-face and take one or two steps. Immediately to your right will be a Bital Bank kiosk. Stop there and give the teller both your FM-T and at least the 205 pesos I mentioned earlier. The teller will stamp the front of your FM-T, give you your change if you have any coming, return your FM-T, and go back to whatever activity s/he was involved in before you showed up. Say gracias and adios.

Now just do a left-face and take a step or two forward and you'll be at your next stop, the copy machine. There will be someone there who wants to see some of your paperwork. Offer up your brand-new FM-T, your original vehicle title, a driver's license issued somewhere other than Mexico, and your passport. The attendant will make copies of everything, return both originals and copies to you, and request $1.50 US or the peso equivalent. Pay up, smile, say gracias and adios and do another left-face. On the wall straight in front of you and diagonally across the small lobby and a bit to your left is your next destination, the Banjercito window where you'll get your vehicle permit.

Walk over and give them both the originals and the copies of all the documents you previously handed over to the copy clerk. In addition you'll need to pass over an internationally accepted credit card or a bank debit card with a Mastercard or Visa logo on it. Here the clerk will issue your vehicle permit (Importacion Temporal de Vehiculos), charge your card $266.44 pesos, offer up the receipt for you to sign, have you sign the form to which your sticker is affixed, show you how to peel it loose, instruct you to slap it on the lower left corner of your windshield, and send you on your way.

The better agents will also ask if you're pulling a trailer because they need to note it on your paperwork if you are. Now that you've whizzed through all the required stations just say gracias and hasta luego, adios, or whatever else comes to mind and tongue at roughly the same time. Wave and smile at everyone who has been kind enough to help you (you're in a pretty small room and can easily see each of them) and do an Elvis. Leave the building. If you've followed my directions you've only been here for 15 or 20 minutes and you're still in a very good mood and luxuriating in the warmth of the helpful attitude of all the smiling folks you've dealt with so far.

Head on back to whatever you're driving, take the paper to which your vehicle permit is attached, and compare the VIN printed on it to the VIN on the plate attached to the dashboard of your vehicle. If you don't know where it is just stand by the left fender and look down through the windshield at the place where the dashboard comes closest to the windshield. You should see a small metal plate riveted to the dashboard. That's it. The numbers must match in order for you to legally drive in Mexico. If they don't and you get stopped at the occasional Aduana roving checkpoint, your vehicle could be confiscated. I've never been checked that closely but it is something to consider.

If everything matches up just attach the permit to the inside of the windshield and get ready to roll. One last simple decision needs to be made before you embark upon the last leg of your adventure at the border. If you have something that the Mexican taxing authorities might want you to pay customs import duty on, you can exit the parking lot in the lane right in front of the porch you just left. If not, drive back out the way you entered, turn right and head through one of the "Nothing to Declare" lanes, pull up to the Aduana stop signal, push the button to play the Mexican border crossing lottery, and follow the directions of the Aduanero on duty. For those who are unfamiliar with the light process here's a short explanation.

At every Port of Entry in mainland Mexico, whether you arrive in the country by bus, private vehicle, or airplane (maybe by boat, too, I personally don't know) you'll find a traffic light mounted on a short pole. Beneath the light fixture will be a button mounted on the pole. Once you arrive at the light, whether walking or driving, you just push the button to discover the degree of inconvenience to which you may be subjected before being allowed official permission to enter the country. If the light flashes green you'll usually be waved on through. If it shows red you'll be subjected to a search of all or part of your luggage and/or vehicle. If it shows yellow it means the damn thing is malfunctioning and everyone will express surprise and confusion thus allowing you to casually wander off unnoticed and unmolested to continue your journey.

After you're cleared to proceed, just drive straight on until at mile 23.3 you arrive at a stop sign. Directly across the street is another set of official-type buildings. More Aduana and Banjercito. Ignore them. Turn left and follow the road on to mile 24.9. Stop before pulling up onto Mexico Highway 2, but when you do, turn left. Boogie on. At mile 38.2 you'll come to a Y in the road. Veer to the right and you'll see that you're on a blacktop identified as Mexico Highways 85 and 2.

At this point you've driven about 38 miles to avoid having to cross the border at Laredo. No telling how much time and aggravation you've saved. Plus, you haven't been breathing auto exhaust fumes, fighting off street vendors, hunting the place down the road to get your auto permit after clearing customs, standing in a big, hot, bustling room full of long lines, or dealing with whiny fellow travelers or tired and harried Mexican officials who have seen way too many of you folks already today. And now you have only two more semi-major hurdles to jump.

In Part 2 I'll tell you all about them, as well as a few other little publicized bits of information that have the potential to cause you major problems if you're not aware of them. See you then.